Angst
by Xx-Panda-Tan-xX
Summary: AU, depressing. Another one of my angsty mellomatt oneshots, this one isnt really a romance... rated T for language, mild violence and suicide... yeah this is unrequited love for ya.


Another one of my angsty mellomatt oneshots, this one isnt really a romance... rated T for language, mild violence and suicide... yeah this is unrequited love for ya.  
If your wondering about the songs used in this, the first one is one my friends Misty K and Sasha R wrote...(ty gals for letting me use it) the second one is End Of The World by Skeeter Davis.  
This is AU, the boys are at school and about 15/16 years old... This was my friend Lucys idea to write an unrequited love story.  
Its based loosly on one of my friends (im not saying who though, i respect their confidentialty) This isnt my best fic btw, as Craig, Jamie and Leith got me high on LSD.  
Enjoy!

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They had been best friends for almost five years now, for the last three of those years Mello had been in love with Matt.  
He would do anything for the younger boy, jeez he would die for the redheaded gamer without a moments hesitation! Maybe thats why Mello could never tell him. If he did, he knew Matt would never understand, it would only wreck the inseperable friendship they already had. Maybe thats why the depressed blonde was sitting in his room, staring out of the window, debating whether it was worth going to school today. The slow music calmed him as he stared out at the street outside...

_"You tell me that you know me  
And you tell me that you care  
Yet I just dont know how to say  
Those words What would you do?  
What would you say?  
If I confessed I love you  
I'd kill, I'd die for you  
What would you do?  
What would you say?  
If my logic didnt stop me  
From risking what we have"_

Sighing, Mello ran a pale, shaking hand through his messy blonde hair and stood up, and left for school.

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"Hey Matty" Mello grinned, wrapping his arms around his friend. Matt grinned back. "Yo Mells" he laughed, "you okay?" Mello faked a smile, trying not to cry as he said; "yeah you?" wishing he could somehow read the gamers mind, even if it gave him the answers he dreaded, any answers would be better than none. It killed him, day after day pretending he wasnt in love with his best friend.

"Oh shit shit shit shit!" Mello muttered under his breath, he sighed and bashed his forehead against the wall, earning a glare from the Science teacher. Matt looked concerned "dont do that Mells" he whispered softly, Mello turned away and doodled on his book. "Why shouldnt I?" he murmured, he felt his eyes filling with tears that he knew he would never let fall, he was too proud, too stubborn to break down and cry, to accept he was human. "You'll hurt yourself" Matt muttered "So what?" Mello rolled his eyes, trying to seem indifferent while inside, his heart jumped. Matt actually cared... he looked up and saw worry in the green eyes behind the orange tinted goggles that Matt wore. "Whats wrong with you Mells?" Matt asked, "You keep hurting yourself, your angrier and angstier than usual" Mello stared at him, he had noticed? Even Mello hadnt noticed.  
"I dunno Matty" he murmured. "I guess I'm just tired" Matt raised an eyebrow but didnt press the issue and they continued through the lesson, writing paragraphs about Carbon dioxide and global warming.

The school day was over and Mello walked home in silence. Matt cared?  
Mello sighed, it wasnt enough... Matt caring just made it worse, it made Mello feel even guiltier for loving him. Even guiltier for not being able to tell him, they had always told each other everything. Well, almost everything.

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That night, Matt called him. "Hey Matt?" The blonde said, picking up the phone. "Yo!" Matt answered "Sup"  
"Nothing much, Im bored shitless. You"  
Mello could hear Matt laugh, "Same, thats why I called, you okay... You seemed kinda depressed today"  
"Im okay Matty"  
"You sure? Look Mells, theres something you aint telling me isnt there"  
Mello blushed, thankful that Matt couldnt see him. "Uhm... no"  
"Mells, I know you better than most people and your my best friend, I'm worried about you"  
"Matty"  
"Yeah"  
"I want to tell you Matt, I really do but you wouldnt understand"  
"Mells"  
"Okay fine Matt, for the last three fucking years I've been in love with you!  
I would die for you, I've cried myself to sleep because I know that you would never understand and I never told you because I didnt want to risk the friendship we already had Matty"  
"Mells I"  
"Dont bother Matty, I know you probably hate me now" Mello interrupted "I dont hate you, I just dont like you in that way Mells"  
Mello felt his heart sink, he had known that all along. "I know Matty but you dont have to worry about me anymore" "What do you mean Mells "  
"Bye Matty-Kun, Im sorry" the blonde whispered. The tears he had been holding in for the last three years were finally falling, streaming down his pale face. "Mells?" Matt asked, but Mello had hung up and ran out of the house, he knew exactly where he was going.

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Matt could sense that Mello was crying as he hung up, and he was probably going to do something stupid, this was Mello for heavens sake! The blonde was a depressed, hot tempered drama queen with a major inferioroty complex and a habit of overreacting. Badly.  
"Oh fuck!" Matt moaned, burying his head in his pillow and picking up the phone.  
He dialed Mellos number, but gave up after the eighteeth ring.  
"What would he do...?" Matt murmured to himself.  
Then he sat up, his heart beating furiously in his chest.  
"Oh fuck!" He muttered, he pulled his shoes on and ran out of the house...

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Clutching his rosary in one hand and running across the street to his favourite place, the flats where he used to live were fifteen storeys high and fairly isolated so it would be hard to be found. He began running up the stairs to the roof, ignoring the fact he was already out of breath.

"MELLO!!!" The familliar voice of his best friend almost stopped Mello in his tracks, but he forced himself to go on. "Mello, please!" The older boy continued running, trying to block out the redheads calls. He finally reached the roof and peered down at the empty streets below him, the area was so peaceful at night. He had stopped crying now, and was filled with a strange calm feeling. He smiled softly as he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Dont do it Mells, Im serious. Please?" Matts voice was soft, almost a whisper as if he was afraid of alarming Mello. "Its not just about me loving you Matt"  
"Then tell me" Matt said, he tried to pull Mello back from the roof edge slightly. "You were the first person I ever trusted, ever loved. You made me realise that I wasnt the hard, unbreakable guy I used to think I was... You made me realise I was human Matty"

There was a long moment of silence that seemed to last forever, a surreal feeling came over both boys... almost like a dream state.

**And thats when Mello jumped.**

**And thats when Matt screamed.**

**And thats when...**

**One life ended and another was found, as Matt realised how much Mello ment to him.**

**And thats when Mail Jeevas, aka Matt... broke down and cried.**

_"Why does the sun keep shining?  
Why does the sea rush to shore?  
Dont they know, its the end of the world It ended when we said... goodbye"_

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Plzz reveiw, I admit this wasnt very good but still... I was on LSD and laughing hysterically while writing this...

Xx-Ambz


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